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08-Jun-2017 21:06

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Hugo had a massive thing for Queen of the Mole People, who invited Rosie on their only date. I am pretty sure that Millie has either had a stroke, or is addicted to sleeping pills.

This turned out to be a good thing for Hugo as he then realised that she was the girl for him. I’m not sure that her mouth opens more than half an inch.

Millie is a working make up artist, but only ever seems to be dabbing ineffectually at male models’ chests.

I will say one thing for Millie; she does get humorously drunk.

According to the grapevine, she is an aspiring singer-songwriter.

The one gig we have seen her play was just covers and no one really cared because we were more interested in what happened afterwards with her will-they-won’t-they… Spencer is an OE who used to be a PR manager for London clubs but now works as a broker (hmmm).

Lots of people seem to hate Min C on principal, because they’re all posh, and I think that’s just as awful as me refusing to watch The Only Way is Essex because I don’t want to watch a load of orange chavs having things stuck on, and in, their vaginas.

The programme itself so, so scripted and fake (watch episode two for Caggie’s incredible shirt change on Southbank), but somehow terribly addictive.

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He ended up watching three hours of it and spent the whole fifth episode texting me to discuss Caggie’s onesie obsession and to wonder who looks after Funda’s dog. Main girl, 21-year-old Caggie Dunlop went to Le Strasberg Film and Theatre Institute in New York, but you really wouldn’t know it from her acting.Successful means you’d know her if you were a connoisseur of tummy tuck adverts.To be fair to her she is a good dancer and has appeared in Calvin Harris and Tinie Tempah videos.She’s pretty good at martial arts and has done a weird thing on a website called Kickass – take note, Spencer – which is sort of clothed porn for strange men. One of the girls, Rosie Fortescue, who showed it to Caggie. The 21-year-old has completed a History of Art degree at Goldsmiths and is doing a placement at a London gallery.

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She has a dog called Noodle, who, in a recent episode, had to see a dog therapist. Rosie also likes calling almost everything under the sun “offensive”, but went up in my estimation when she also branded a photo of herself offensive.

But she gets a big boo for getting off with Hugo when she knew Rosie liked him. She crushed Francis Boulle’s dreams by telling him Caggie would never, ever go out with him. He is a 22-year-old diamond mining heir (swoon), who often turns up in Tatler’s annual Little Black Book.

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